Duck Benedict sounds like a dish

As an erudite, cultured, handsome but above-all honest young human, it pains me to inform you that, on the eve of starting the second semester of law school, I have a big worry. You see, Celebrity Big Brother 5 just began, and I'm getting pretty into it. Not, like, watching-it-around-the-clock into it, but as much as you can from a different country using only the website.

This is a worry because I've never really cared about this kind of television before. I hate the idea of any of these celebrity reality shows (even Dancing with the Stars!), and it always seems like a desperate attempt to stay in the spotlight for a few more weeks. And even stripped of alleged celebrities, it's really difficult for me to get into Big Brother - it seems like a cool conceptual idea, a nice social experiment, but never pans out that way. I followed the show a few years ago, because I was in England when the series started (summer 2003) and so got to see the beginning, but that's easily the most interesting part. I dropped off after a few days.

So why the hell am I reading the latest news, watching videos and trying to access CBB5 podcasts, when I could be playing sports, spending time with loved ones, or watching 'Exposed' on MTV?

The celebrities they have this year are, for once, people I've heard of, and there's a genuinely interesting blend of personalities which could - could - be worth following. Including but not limited to:

• Bollywood actress.

• Former members of (pop bands) Steps and S Club 7 (latter of whom is now really into dog breeding).

• Brother of Michael Jackson.

• Former star of the A-Team (!)

• 60s heartthrob

• Former Miss Great Britain (disgraced!) and better half of 40-yr old Premiership footballer. [video below!]

• and reprehensible singer from atrocious pub rock band (already with own reality series).

Alas, I'll keep you posted.