Bulletin from Sports Desk

Some thoughts about tonight's LA Galaxy v. Chelsea match.

• I want to like David Beckham, I really do. He seems like a nice enough guy, and besides, we'll always have this. But the boy makes it difficult for me. Firstly, it is not sweet to have your wife's and children's names on your boots to commemorate the game. It's kind of stupid. What's more, apparently at LA Galaxy his shirt number is 23 because "he loves Michael Jordan", which, too is monumentally stupid.
• Next, I don't buy all this "I'm here to bring soccer to the masses" nonsense. Like Paris Hilton, this whole Beckham-moving-to-America thing is a lot of hype over something trivial. Seriously, if cameras weren't following him around all the time, nobody would give two shits. In fact, it's hard to imagine the masses giving even one shit in a few months.
  
• There was a red carpet outside the stadium, and apparently "they had to build an extra annex for all the press from six continents".
• There is no reason for me to hear that Jennifer Love-Hewitt is a fan of the sport, seemingly only now since Beckham has come. "It's more fun than any movie premiere I've ever been to!" she says, in one of at least eight uses of the word fun.
• Likewise, I don't need to have the game coverage interrupted to hear what Drew Carey thinks (although he at least didn't seem too thrilled to be interrupted), nor about Gov. Schwarzenegger's childhood experiences playing football.
  
• In the luxury box, Posh Spice was entertaining Eva Longoria and Katie Holmes, in a gathering of people of no-great achievement but press ubiquity. [Notable exception: 'Go' was good, but I saw it at Glastonbury, where everything is good] Two or three times, Posh was looking at someone else's phone.
• Now for the coverage on ESPN... Thanks for the ninety minutes of pre-game coverage entirely focused on one man. Also, the Beckham cam.
  
• I've griped about ESPN commentary before, but honestly... even when they're knowledgeable it's excruciating. Like the time Tommy Smyth gave a brief biog of the legend Ian Wright because Shaun Wright Philips was on the ball. Ugh.
  
• There was a part in the second half where they were talking about Abel Xavier's hairstyle, and then a terrible, laboured "you know, Beckham's had a fair few hairstyles over the years" segue into a pre-prepared video montage of said styles. Guys, if you want the sport to be taken seriously, as you keep saying, maybe don't keep interrupting the game for hairstyle videos, yeah?
• Also, references to Willis Reed don't really belong.
  
• As for the match itself, who cares? Chelsea won 1-0, which is about fair. They brought big names but no real interest in the game, and though Galaxy weren't very good, they had Xavier at the back who was tremendous. Also, they have a player called Vagenas, which to me is funny.
  
• I must say, after watching Chelsea's new signing Malouda, that he may as well saw his foot right off, since he's obviously completely adverse to using it. I'm glad we didn't sign him.

August 12th, and the return of the Premiership, can't come soon enough.