The summer's worst movie

Based on all the buzz, I had low hopes for The Love Guru, and yet I knew I'd end up watching it. There's something about horrific comedies that always pique my interest, far more than bad dramas, horror movies, etc. Why else am I always drawn to the shitfests thrown up by Friedberg and Seltzer? But even with such a high tolerance for absolute bilge, there wasn't much to look forward to when it came to Mike Myers' big comeback flick. I think the guy on Slate's podcast articulated it best when he said "Myers might just be slightly mentally retarded".

So here's the bad news. I laughed during 'The Love Guru'. Twice. Admittedly, that's an absolutely horrendous return for a major studio comedy, but in all honesty two laughs (chuckles, really) was still far more than I expected. There was a bar-fight scene that was funny. And something about Morgan Freeman's voice. That's about all I can remember.

So here's the really bad not-really-news. The film is fucking terrible. I like John Oliver, Stephen Colbert, Jim Gaffigan, Romany Malco and Omid Djalili but now I just feel bad for them. (Truthfully, I don't even remember Omid being in it). At one point, I was seriously considering the following quandry:

Justin Timberlake singing 'Because You Loved Me', while Mike Myers gets violently attacked by a rooster. Is that funny?

It isn't.

I talked about 'Wanted' being written for 14 year old boys over the weekend, and this one sets the bar even lower. Penis, fart and midget jokes? The ten year olds must've been loving this. But then, I thought - one of the big recurring themes here is the main guru's struggle to be as famous as Deepak Chopra. Is that not a pretty obscure reference, given that nobody aged over fourteen will find this film funny? Even Mariska Hargitay, whose name is used as a stupid mantra... Are middle schoolers going to know who she is? The primary lesson that impressionable youth can take from this film: Indian people are dumb as hell. Thanks!

Timberlake's character is entirely superfluous, Jessica Alba looks great but is incredibly dull and somehow finds the Guru hilarious when everyone watching thinks he's insufferable, and Sir Ben Kingsley just lost all the credibility he's EVER accumulated. All of it. I know - House of Sand and Fog, Schindler's List, Bugsy, Sexy Beast, Gandhi of course. All that goodwill is lost with a violent crosseyed man pissing into a bucket and then spraying it onto people. Done.

Even the dream-team of Colbert and Gaffigan, the two guys who could redeem this craporama, are given such awful material to work with that I quickly lost interest. They play commentators with very much the same dynamic (only less funny) as Gary Cole and Jason Bateman in 'Dodgeball'.


Worst thing: Lazy jokes making fun of Spears, Hilton and Lohan. Great. OR: "Your agent, Richard Pants is here" "Oh, you mean Dick Pants?" (Accompanied by wink and mass-retching). OR: the musical numbers. OR: Elephants humping. I could go on.

Best thing: Director has the same last name as the guy responsible for the year's best film. They're probably not related.